Initiation Process
by Silentlamb
Summary: Ah, the organization XIII. Just cause your a nobodies doesn't mean its easy join this little group. So why are there only thirteen members? Because initiation's hell. Rated for cruel pranks, big egos, and drunkenness.


**Initiation Process**

_Original summary: Ah, the Organization XIII. Just cause your a nobody, doesn't mean that its easy to join. So, why are there only 13 members? Because initiation's hell._

_**Ahhh... I totally gave in to influence. Don't judge me.**_

**Disclaimer: Kingdom hearts (and most definitely Organization XIII) belongs to Disney and Square Enix. If I did, Demyx wouldn't have to die, Xaldin wouldn't be such a prick (yes, he is), and they would just give Xemnas a heart already. **

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**Number I: Xemnas**

Xemnas looked around at the world and then looked at himself. 'Wow' He thought to himself. 'I don't have a heart, but I still look hot.' He grinned at himself only cause that's what head honchos (even head honchos-to-be) with big egos do. Grin at themselves.

"I should totally create a club or something. A place where other hot dudes with no hearts can join together and steal the hearts of others (Metaphorically **and **literally!)"

He thought for about 30 seconds. "I'll call it... The Organization!"

Then he looked at the barren acres of land in front of him. "Hey, this is a great place for building a castle. I'll call a contractor tomorrow to work right on that!"

**Number II: Xigbar**

"'The Organization'? Wow, a lot of thinking was put into the naming process, I see." The gun maniac said sarcastically, narrowing his eyes and raising an eyebrow. (Yes, I said eye**s**. He hadn't lost one yet.)

"Oh come on, I was put on a lot of pressure at the last minute."

"By **who**?"

"Never mind." Xemnas said irritably. "Will you join or not? 'The Organization' can't work with one person."

"Eh... I don't know..."

"I'll let you be in charge of recruiting new members."

"Nah, that's normally a huge pain in the ass." He thought about it for a second, itching his not-yet-scarred chin. "Whatever. Things might get interesting, sign me up."

**Number III: Xaldin**

"That's an, uh, interesting hairdo you have." Xemnas said, eying the dreadlocks on the large man.

Xaldin glared at him. He then felt one of the clumps between his fingers. "My mother was Jamaican." He then glared once more. "Do you want me apart of this thing, or not?"

"Oh, yes, um..." Xemnas shuffled his papers and then straightened them. "What are your strengths in battle?"

Wordlessly, 6 large pointy spears appeared behind him. He grabbed one and said, "I... enjoy stabbing things."

Xemnas began chewing on his lip. "I see." He wrote something down.

"Yo, superior dude." Xigbar arrived on scene, carrying a black cloak. "I just thought up the uniform-- whoa." He stopped in mid-sentence. Ignoring the many lethal looking spears, he looked Xaldin straight in the eye and said, "I'm not sure you noticed, dude, but when you shave... the hair does kinda grow back."

Xemnas' eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped as Xaldin dropped his head, face red, and, with some sort of telekinetic force, sent one spear flying towards Xigbar's face.

Xigbar was not fortunate enough to avoid such a weapon.

"AAAAAAAAARRRGH!"

Xemnas' eyes went from Xaldin, to Xigbar, who was screaming "OH MY GOD, MY EYE! MY EYE IS BLEEDING!! Wait, is that my eye? I-In my hand? OH MY GOD, YOU GOUGED OUT MY EYE!", to Xaldin, who was smirking, satisfied, to Xigbar, back to Xaldin, and edged away slowly, keeping his mouth shut tight.

In a voice so quiet it was almost squeaky, he said, "Your in."

**Number IV: Vexen**

"Alrighty now. Lesse here, what's your name? Vixen?" Xigbar squinted at the paper, a large amount of gauze taped over his right eye.

The blonde in front of him narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "Vexen." He corrected.

"Right, right." Xemnas, because of events that took place last time, refused to come to this meeting. He was afraid of all new members now. Xigbar now sat with a new interview with Xaldin next to him only because he had Xemnas SWEAR to keep Xaldin and his sharp, pointy, eye-gouging death sticks under control.

Also he had to buy him an eye patch.

"Okay Vixen--"

"VEXEN."

"Sorry, sorry. Its my lack of depth perception." He said pointedly at Xaldin. "I'm not used to it yet." Xaldin only smirked.

"What? That has nothing to do with--"

"What are your strengths?" Xigbar cut him off before he could point out the lack of logic in his statement.

Vexen chose to let it go. "I am a scientist." He said proudly.

"What kind of scientist?" Xaldin asked.

"Um, a chemist."

"The regular kind?" Xigbar asked.

"What?"

"Are you a regular kind of scientist, or a mad one."

"I don't think I'm foaming at the mouth, do you?"

"Not rabid, MAD." Xigbar explained (badly). "You know, 'Mad Scientist', the whole 'Mwa ha ha' thing...?"

"Oh um..." For some reason, Vexen was getting rather uncomfortable. "I... have an evil laugh?"

"Ooh, really?" Xaldin clapped. "Lets hear it."

Vexen scratched his head. "Its not something you can pull up just like that. It's more of a spur of the moment thing, ya know?"

"Give it a shot, come on." Xaldin pried. "I've never heard an mad scientist laugh before... except on TV." Xigbar shot him a strange look.

Vexen coughed. "Okay then, let me try." He coughed again, trying to clear his throat, closed his eyes, as if concentrating, and cackled.

Only his cackle was a pathetic cackle. An 'old hag' cackle. A 'sissy' cackle. Something a GIRL would do.

The two stared at Vexen, then looked back at each other in the awkward silence that followed. Vexen's face slowly flushed red knowing what would happen next.

The two burst into laughter, and fell over each other. "That was SUCH a girl's evil laugh."

Vexen did what couldn't be called a glare. He pouted at them.

They laughed harder.

"Ah, this guy's hilarious." Xaldin wiped away a tear of mirth.

"Yeah..." Xigbar rubbed his ribs that were sore from all the laughing. "Let's let this **chick** in."

"You guys are so mean!"

**Number V: Lexaeus**

Xemnas was here this time. The new recruit that was just well... recruited was reported to be (by Xigbar, of course) a... well, total wuss.

He had talked to Vexen himself of course, and he agreed that he was a decent member to join in with the organization. But... the fact that he looked like complete girl didn't help the matter.

(However, that crazed look in his eye did match that of a mad scientist.)

(Vexen blames this appearance flaw on Xigbar.)

So now, Xemnas was sitting here in a bar, staring into the face of a very large man. This man, or, better worded, nobody, stared at him silently with glazed over eyes.

He was sitting here in a bar because he was wanted to get **more** then bloody weirdos in his organization, and a dimly candle-lit bar might have a better atmosphere then the half-finished castle.

This nobody, Lexaeus, was silent, only because it would appear in his nature. He's said less than a word in this two-hour interview, and Xemnas was afraid if this kept up, it was going to go onto three.

Lexy had a glazed over look in his eyes because of the obvious.

Xigbar was getting bored of all these question and answering, and decided to liven things up a bit. (Xaldin was sent to his room to stay there this time because half an hour after Vexen's joining, Xaldin got drunk and... well, things **died**.)

The large nobody did only one thing when he wasn't talking. It was drinking. Xigbar noticed this, and went and asked the bartender for a large jug. Every time Lexy finished his pint, Xiggy refilled it.

This continued for about 30 pints, before he seemed unconscious. Xemnas put down his clipboard and leaned over to stare into his face. He couldn't see much cause his long hair covered his eyes. "Umm... hello?"

Then Lexy did what all drunken idiots do, and collapsed. If he wasn't a nobody, I would bet that he would have succumbed to alcohol poisoning. Scared the hell out of Xemnas, who was expecting something like it, only just not right in his face.

Being a big nobody, he smashed the flimsy table, and made it face down onto Xemnas' lap. "OH MY GOD."

"I know." Xigbar had finally gotten that eye patch he wanted, so the other eye was wide, impressed. "I SO thought he would have given out around the fifteenth one, but BOY! He went WAAAY farther. Must be a drinker."

"Oh I can SEE that." Xemnas shouted sarcastically. He was freaking out because he had a big drunken bastard's nose in his crotch, but for some reason, he was frozen in place.

"What was the point of THAT, I ask you?" Xemnas shouted.

"Well, he's a big, hulking dude, right?"

"The point?"

"Well, big hulking dudes are usually the best fighters. The ones that rarely talk is even better, so, we recruit him, right?"

Xemnas continued to stare at him.

"Right," Xigbar continued, "So, you SAID I can recruit people, so I am. I'm ALSO," He had an evil glint in his eye, "Going to give him his 'joining' sacrifice."

"The hell is that supposed to mea- GUH." Xemnas made a hilarious sound as Xigbar pulled out some glue.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to... had to.." Vexen just arrived on scene. And what he stumbled onto was Xigbar grabbing onto Lexaeus' hair and pulling upward, but Xemnas was trying to help Lexy(or at least save his hair, anyway), and was pushing downwards, against Xigbar.

All of this occurring with a passed out Lexy on Xemnas' lap.

"What the... hell?" Both stopped their tug of war and looked up. "What is that guy's face doing on your crotch?"

Both suddenly realized how bad this looked.

"Nononononono!" Xemnas leaped to his feet and immediately started denying everything. Xigbar went back to his previous objective and started shaping poor Lexy's hair into spiky tips with that glue. Badly shaped, mind you.

**Step one** (brand spankin' new as of Number V) to joining the Organization: New crazy freaking hair-do. Check.

**Step two:** Xigbar actually hadn't thought this far yet. So, for now, Lexaeus goes free.

_**Yes, I am completely aware that Xemnas is INCREDIBLY out of character. I sorta did that on purpose (but not really). First one to mention the OOC'ness to me gets a fork to the forehead. (RAWR!)**_

_**-Ahem- anyway, review if you'd like, I'd appreciate it. However I'd prefer no flames please. Something sitting in my mailbox that says, 'U R stoopid!!!11!!one! lolroflmao' just might give my poor ego cardiac arrest.**_

_**Thank you, as always,**_

_**Alena Rio **_


End file.
